


Merry Mercenary Day, Janey Springs

by DinosaurTheology



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, F/F, F/M, Mercenary Day, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinosaurTheology/pseuds/DinosaurTheology
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Janey gets a heaping helping of worry for Mercenary Day. That's the life when your wife and most of your friends are Vault Hunters. One of those friends really knows how to have a girl's back in a tight place, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merry Mercenary Day, Janey Springs

**Author's Note:**

> Borderlands isn't mine, but it's my crack rock of pure joy. I love that the characters are relatively blank templates with hints to work on and expand. Sort of like my... er... curious decision while playing her DLC that Scarlett and Salvador could have had a fling. It all came from her comment about actually preferring large men. Part two of my Christmas blast extravaganza, yay.

Janey sat on the edge of the workbench in her and Scooter's garage in Hollow Point. Well, just her garage, now, she reckoned. Poor scunner had gone the way he'd come, riding a rocket and howling to the world at large to catch a ride. He hadn't been a smart man, nor handsome, nor even particularly good company most of the time, but ol' Scoot had been blessed with a heart kinder than his homeland deserved and, in the end, all the courage that even the noblest of Vault Hunters could ask for. She'd never forget how Rhys and Fiona, under the gun of a pathetic loser like August, had seen fit to honor him. And in Fiona's case, apparently, give him one heck of a snog on his way out.

She glanced sidelong at the con-woman cum Vault Hunter. She sat in the corner cross legged, playing with Gortys. Might have been a lot of worse ways to die than with the taste of her lips on yours, yes indeed. A good, lithe figure, fine, strong hands and sparkling green eyes, alight now at some new trick of the little bugger in front of her. She seemed like a successful example of what Hyperion had tried with their CL4-TP units, a real, functioning robot buddy that every child in the galaxies would be desperate to own. Fiona treated the little bot like something between a cheerful puppy and toddler daughter; they made an adorable pair, Janey thought, even if cold steel couldn't be the pleasure to cuddle that warm flesh was. Ah, well. Different strokes, right? And besides, maybe they'd put a heater in.

Something in her look caught Fiona's attention. "Hey, hon... thinking about Scooter?"

"Yeah..." Viewed askew it wasn't a lie, not really, though it barely did justice to the tangled train of her thoughts. "He was a solid chap--not just his skull, either. Set me up as a mechanic when I hadn't a hut to dook in and Athena and I were hiding from Jack, y'know, when he bloody well would have been safer to kick us out on our keisters. It'll be our first Mercenary Day without him." She sighed. "More on Ellie and Moxxi than me, though. I'll make sure to send them something nice... but what can you really send for an occasion like this?"

Gortys chirped from her spot on the floor. "I know! I know! A sweater would be nice. Miss Moxxi must get very cold..."

She couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, lil' fella... I'll take that into consideration."

"Make it one with something suggestive written on it," Fiona said. "That'll make her as happy as an old-time Maliwan Defiler modded to throw fire damage."

"Hmm, not a bad plan. Er, the revolver, not the sweater--soz, Gorty."

"No problem!" The little robot waved. "Guns are a way to say that if I can't be close to you, a least my bullets can!"

She scratched the side of her nose. "Y'know, modded for fire cause she's hot, right... I think Salvador got something like that from Captain Scarlett when their... fling, let's call it... went down in a hail of bullets a little more serious than the ones they used for foreplay." She shuddered. "Salvador. Foreplay. I cannot believe I just said those words."

"It was called a Greed, I think. Set on a Jakobs base, set up with a Maliwan barrel to throw elemental bullets. How do you plan to get it from him? I mean, it is the memento of a lost love, for a given value of love I guess, so you'd think he'd be willing to get rid of it... but it's also a gun. Sal might have dug it more than he ever did Scarlett."

"You and I know he did," Janey said, "but I've got a plan." Her grin grew wide and sly. "I reckon I'll swap him a pair of those boosters, like I put on the caravan for you all, set up with the legendary rocket launcher grips ol' Torguey-Worguey gave me for my birthday. He'll have a matched set that he can gunzerk with for the price of one gun I've never even seen him use. Be enough boom to blast his bally beard off."

"No kidding," Fiona said. "He shot it one time, in Marcus' range, and all he was able to do was grunt disgustedly and rumble 'need more friggin' dakka,' and then something about stupid, two-timing pirate wenches who didn't know guns for shit."

"As our Tina would say, good plan-great plan. So..." She kicked her bare feet back and forth, enjoying how warm the Pandoran air was compared to Elpis even during winter. "What will you be getting for your sister and Rhys, this year?"

"For those two?" Fiona flicked her tongue out. "I'm going to get them a blindfold for me, so I don't shoot them. I know I'm going to see a lot of stuff, since we're all kind of running Atlas out of the same hovel, but... if you could score critical hits with public displays of affection then all Pandora would be dead."

"Aw, poor Fi." She giggled. "Good love story though, innit? Just like a prince and a princess in their castle, they're so happy... and Rhys makes a pretty cute princess, too."

Before anything else could be said, Zer0 sauntered into the room. Gaige skipped behind him. "Hello Janey, Fi," He said. "There is a mission for us. Join us, Fiona?"

"Sure," she said. "What's up?"

Gaige, a girl so much like pictures of Sasha she'd seen from a few years ago that Janey could see it tugging Fiona's heart, hopped from one foot to another. "We're going to Gingerton. Marcus and Moxxi said that there's some badass there, called the Squinch. He freakin' stole Mercenary Day, can you believe it? Plus he squints, or something."

Before Fiona could say anything, Zer0 said, "He stole the pyschos' last can of pancreas hash. It's a tragedy." His face-plate registered a digitized frown and teardrop.

"The pancreas hash?" Gortys clutched her metal cheeks. "Oh no, not that... anything else."

"Totally awful, guys, just... sick. He knocked off the piano psycho midget's hat and crapped in it, then stuck it back on his head and sang a little carol about it. I mean, the psycho midget enjoyed it but... it's the principle of the thing cause he didn't ask first--we covered that in health class back on Eden-6. You've got to ask, that's super important. Oh and, I guess wait for them to answer. Don't just, y'know, go ahead and crap in a guy's hat before he gives you permission. It's a dick move."

"A total dick move. Want to help us kill him, Fi? Maya may come, too."

"Sure. Can't let an assbag like that ruin Mercenary Day, right?" Fiona rose gracefully, checked her derringer on its spring and the Jakobs longarm on her hat, and made goodbyes with Gortys. "We're getting paid, right?"

"Moxxi has some guns. She said she'd keep them warm--us, too. Sigh. Innuendo."

Gaige counted on her fingers. "Thirteen syllables, guy... what's wrong?"

"She does that to me. Damn her bright, beautiful eyes. Poetry's a curse."

"So," Fiona asked Janey, "anything I can get you for Mercenary Day, while I'm out? We're sure to pick up some goodies."

"I appreciate it, love, I really do... but alls I want is for Athena to be here, and there doesn't look like much hope of that."

"Yeah, she, Aurelia, Axton and Krieg are supposed to be up to something big Aegrus, I think," Gaige said. "Lotsa boomies."

Janey's eyes widened. "Boomies? Bloody Krieg? She told me she was in Hallowed Hollow, helping TK decorate for the holiday cause he's blind!"

Zer0 sighed. "Cover stories aren't your thing are they Gaige? Marital discord awaits."

The three Vault Hunters left, Zer0 with a bow, Fiona a sympathetic glance and Gaige a silently mouthed sorry. Janey picked up a wrench to play fetch with Gortys. She squealed happily, chased it all over the garage. Athena wasn't Steph, after all, and Aegrus... well, at least there weren't any kraggons there, right? Just... things that were a lot worse, probably. Janey cradled her head in her hands, pretended those weren't tears rolling hot down her palm. Gortys hugged her leg. It helped a little.

*

Mercenary Day came with no news from either team of Vault Hunters. Being a gal with no family, formally speaking, Janey spent it with those who had become near to her heart through kindness, character and simply staying alive long enough to grow on a soul. This last was, on Pandora, no mean feat after all. She'd gotten the Greed to Moxxi a day before, after swapping two entirely unreasonable modded rocket launchers with Sal, received a kiss on the cheek and proclaimed the third daughter she'd never had. All in all it fit well enough cross strapped with Rubi, onto her other ample hip. Janey supposed that it all should have made her feel creepy, what with all the robust flirtation she'd heaped on Moxxi back on Elpis, but with those Hodunks who the hell knew, right? What happened in the Dust stayed in the bloody Dust. To Ellie she'd given a modded turret laser attachment for her favorite technical, and they'd ripped around the sands talking over good times with Scooter and blasting bandits into ashes. Ellie was good people in her rough way, rather like several Scooters stuffed into a sack and given cumulative intelligence.

Today, the actual holiday itself, blew cold through Hollow Point. She wasn't alone, but crikey it felt that way. Sasha and Rhys lounged against a wall near the Mercenary Day tree, a disgusting love puddle in complementarily ugly Mercenary Day sweaters. Hers was swamp skag green--Janey had to admit it well highlit her stunning eyes--and featured an embroidered scene from the last concert given by Tinder Snowflake and The Chillblains before Sal, Gaige, Brick and Mordecai had blown them to hell for freezing Gingerton. Gaige, a big fan of the snowpunk sound, had buried her Chillblains lunchbox along with Tinder's magic, eridium charged hat before mourning with Sash, an equally ardent lover. Rhys' sweater, even uglier, glared Hyperion yellow and bore a scene of Marcus the Gunbringer being drawn in a sleigh by his eight antlered reinskags. The ninth, Rollo the Alcoholic Reinskag, stood out front, nose glaring angry bandit scab red. Janey was fairly sure that the pair had knitted each other the sweaters.

It made her rather feel like puking... but in a good way, she reckoned.

Sasha, knowing unconciously how to prick that for maximum guilt, glanced up from where Rhys cupped her cheek. "Hey, J... can we do anything for you? I know this has got to be a hard day."

"Nah, sweets."

"C'mon, let us at least fix you a plate or something."

"Not hungry, soz." She'd only picked at her food the last week, begun losing weight. Worry and grief had way of telling on you. Ah, well. At least she still had her sexy scars to fall back on.

"All right, just... y'know..." Sasha groped for words, came up empty.

"No worries, Sash. I'm good. Fair dinkum, like the old folks say up on Elpis."

"Are you sure?" Rhys. "We've got, like, tons of skag ham and it's not going anywhere." He grimaced. "That pile I ate earlier might be moving soon, though. Oof."

Sasha rolled her eyes. "I told you not to make a pig of yourself, sweetie. Now you're going to be whimpering all night."

"I am an Atlas executive," he said. "We do not whimper."

"Then what were those back at the Hungry Games celebration?"

"Er..." He offered the lopsided grin Janey knew Sasha couldn't resist. "Manly mewls of agony?"

"Don't squabble, darls," Janey said. "I can't stand it, today. Look, I'll have a bite."

Sasha clapped. "Hooray!" She hopped out of Rhys' lap. "I'll fix it for you since Mr. Atlas Engingeer here can't make a plate without cutting three fingers off." She hushed his protest with a kiss. 

Janey wondered how long it would be until they had a little nipper running around Hollow Point, if they kept that up. What she said was, "Thanks, mate. Just... no skag ham, if you don't mind. I don't know if my tum can handle it, right now. Just some yams, maybe?"

It turned out to be lucky after all, however, that they'd produced a real Mercenary Day feast. While she was up and pottering around the garage's little kitchenette, four weary, haggard Vault Hunters tumbled through the door looking for something to eat and a place to warm their bones. Gaige flopped beside Rhys, struggled to look graceful and failed in the way that only teenagers can and Maya greeted them with a nod before heading to the kitchen to help Sasha wrangle them all something to eat. Zer0 stood erect, nearly as tall as their Mercenary Day tree. Janey noticed, with some worry, that Fiona had not come back in. Perhaps she was just out locking up the caravan? Last time it had stood unlocked a family of midgets had infested thing within an hour and taken days to fully coax out. "So," she said, "how's things?"

"Squinch was trivial. Corrosive with but few tricks. Those were nasty, though."

"No kidding nasty," Maya called from the kitchen. "Ramsay Squinch... sigh. Imagine a badass, chubby goliath totally covered in slime. And naked, of course... I don't know how he managed that, in the cold, but he was. Like, super naked and just totally okay with that."

"It was the absolute grodiest," Gaige said. She pulled a face. "I'm just... I can't even. Look at me. Look, like, directly into my face." Janey did. "Do you see? It got all over me. He slimed me! I feel... violated. I think it got in my mouth. I can still taste it."

"At least you didn't taste the pancreas hash." Zer0 shuddered. "I'll never be the same."

Before they could go any further, Janey had to ask. "What about Fiona? I don't see her here, but you're not all tears and sadness so I'm gonna guess she's all right." Janey played with her fingers. "She is, isn't she?" Friends were hard to come by out here in the borderlands, after all, unless you were like poor Dr. Tannis and could spend long evenings in conversation with a ceiling chair.

"Fiona is fine. She sent a present for you. It awaits outside."

The present shoulder its way, presently, though the door. A tall, striking woman with incongruously delicate features--an upturned nose, elfin chin and large, ultramarine eyes peeking out from under the hooded cloak she wore. Athena! Janey forgot about food, the other returned Vault Hunters, even if Fiona was safe--she felt terrible about this a bit later, yeah, but what can you do--and flung herself into her wife's arms. "Ah, hell... I missed you. I thought... we weren't going... you might have... boomies, right?" Those weren't tears on her cheeks, dammit, no.

Whatever they were, Athena kissed them away. "Boomies?"

"Yeah... that's what Gaige said you were doing, love. Boomies, with..." Janey grimaced. "Krieg."

"I was," she said, as if that didn't make her supposed trip to Hallowed Hollow another lie in a long line of them. Janey would have to take that up with her, later, after other important holiday business had been attended to. "But I'm here, now, to spend Mercenary Day with you. And to bring you this." She offered Janey an echo recorder. "From Fiona."

Janey took the recorder, pressed play and listened. Fi's voice crackled across the cool, Hollow Point air. "Hey, Janey, it's Fi. Well, that's obvious. So... anyway, I'm out here on Candlerakk Crag with Aurelia, Axton and Krieg. Axton is right about Aurelia... she really is the meanest, and I say that as someone who knew Vallory way better than anyone ever should have. I mean, seriously? She had a kid. Someone had sex with her, possibly willingly. That's... not something I want to dwell on.

Where was I? Oh, yeah... I was racking my brain, trying to come up with something to get you for Mercenary Day. I mean, I got Sash a scope for her Silver, and nice stuff for Rhys and Gortys and LB, an exploding Hodunk babydoll for Tina and some of Nurse Nina's patented fist cream for Brick in the Vault Hunter Secret Gunbringer Present swap--I figured he'd like to keep those mitts nice and soft, as much as he uses them... said he loved it, too--but I couldn't think of anything to get for you. Then I realized, duh, Fi, she said that the only thing she wanted for Mercenary Day was Athena, so... I could take her place on the Aegrus mission. I'll get some experience and loot, and you'll get to spend the holiday together! It's a win-win.

Merry Mercenary Day, hon, and give Sasha a big hug for me."

The tears were back again. Janey tried to squeeze them back but couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. Athena raised an eyebrow, leaned back and studied her wife's face carefully. "You're... crying. I'm a lot better with emotions and feelings and stuff than I used to be, but I'm still not really sure I follow."

"They are tears of joy," Zer0 said. "Brought on by her love for you, and Fiona's gift."

Still seemingly unable to process the subtleties of it, but overjoyed to be home, Athena held Janey tight against her. The mechanic snuggled close. Athena pressed her lips against her short, feathery blond hair and whispered, "Merry Mercenary Day, Janey Springs."


End file.
